Day 17: This is How We Vegas

There’s not much to report about this day because we woke up, got coffee, and proceeded to sit at the Aria pool for 5 hours. I guess we were tired? Things got dicey for a minute when it appeared we were being surrounded by small, thrashing children in the pool, but we made it out and back to our chairs to indulge in some adult beverages. Sometime in the afternoon, I went back up to shower while Suavest of the Seas and Tech Talkin and Walkin checked out the Aria Cafe where they discovered this slogan (and today’s blog post title):

Apparently we Vegas like a bunch of geriatrics, but we’re cool with that. Sleeping (literally) in a van can be draining. We cleaned up and embarked on a hunt for some good quality sushi; fresh fish isn’t exactly on every menu in small southwest towns. We decided to walk through the hotels on the south side of the strip checking out the new Cosmopolitan, and the infamous Bellagio and Caesar Palace. We decided that the Cosmopolitan isn’t really that great and the latter two casinos are looking a little dated. But- we found some bomb sushi at Caesar’s!! Our server at Sushi Roku was seriously excited about the fish, which only heightened our experience. 

Over dinner we received alerts on our phone that our blog (yes, this blog) was receiving unusually high traffic. Wondering what was going on, we searched on Google to find that someone had snapped our picture in Denver last week and tweeted it!

So that was cool! Thanks @salesmillennial for the publicity. We also got a comment from Jucy World on Instagram for our farewell picture of the turtle. We decided to walk home outside, which proved to be very difficult since we are fast paced New Yorkers and Vegas tourists are just…slow. But, the snail pace worked out so that we were in front of the Bellagio for the light show!

​​
We dipped back into the Cosmopoltan to have a celebratory drink at the Chandelier Bar and attempted to capture the magic on camera but, you had to be there #htbt. 

Feeling tired, full, and sleepy, we returned to our room and hopped into the plush beds for sleep. We’re not ashamed…this is how we Vegas!

The Gringo Gaucho

#teacherroadtrip #southwest 

Day 15: The Worlds of the West

You already know we’re all teachers. Well collectively we have taught 38 different courses, led 5 departments and 2 grade level teams, mentored 13 new teachers, acted as dean, Coordinator of Student Affairs, Commom Core Liason, and Literacy Coach. There’s this expression our administrators love to use when talking to us about our various roles. They say, “put on your teacher hat!” Or, “put on your team leader hat!” We sort of hate that because if you’re a teacher it’s damn near impossible to forget it at any given moment. And your priority as a teacher is always (or should be) what’s best for the kids. But anyway, I share this with you because today we wore many hats. 

👒 Hat #1: Suburban Woman

We had some time to kill this morning as we wanted to hike Bryce Canyon in the late afternoon once it had cooled off. So we sought out the downtown area of Cedar City for coffee at Starbucks (a suburban woman staple) and some shopping. Now, the shopping isn’t as glorious as it sounds. Suavest of the Seas and Tech Talkin and Walkin needed water shoes for the hike we’ve chosen for Zion tomorrow. We figured Walmart would have some hideous $5 water shoes. We figured wrong. So we tried Payless, and Walgreens, and Christensen’s Department Store, and CAL Ranch Shop, and EVENTUALLY we found some pretty hideous strappy, Velcro things that were far beyond the desired price limit at Famous Footwear. Whatever, now we’re all equipped for next year in Yellowstone. We continued our suburban woman morning by catching a matinee of The Legend of Tarzan for HALF the price of a movie ticket in NYC. We have to say that we thoroughly enjoyed it (and not just because Alexander Skarsgard was looking fine) and rate it much higher than Independence Day: Resurrection. Margot Robbie was a spicy Jane, the visuals were beautiful, and the story line was much more comprehensible than ID:R. Our only  comment is that we wish the real history were as rosy because in reality Tarzan did not stop King Leopold of Belgium from enslaving a country and exploiting their natural resources for profit. Our very own history teacher tells us that the Belgians would send the Congolese into the jungle to find rubber and if they did not return with enough, the soldiers would cut off the hands of the slaves’ children. Strangely, that didn’t make it into the film. 

👒👒 Hat #2: Outdoorsey Woman

 Next we jumped back into the #jucyvan (or the turtle as we’ve been affectionately calling it because it’s green, our home, and moves with us when we travel) and drove East to Bryce Canyon. We purchased stickers for our matching water bottles as evidence of our presence in yet another national park and put on our reasonable footwear, unlike the many Europeans we saw “hiking” in flip flops. We started on the Navajo Loop, since it’s our third High Five trail of the trip and walked down “Wall Street.”

​​
At the bottom we realized that we had more in us, so we determined to take the Queens Garden trail to Sunrise Peak. It added about a mile and a half to our hike, which felt good at the time but we will probably regret in Zion next. The views from the top were gorgeous, of course we could have just driven along the rim like many other tourists. 

👒👒👒 Hat #3: Cowgirl

We finished our hike with an appetite for dinner, definitely against the norm as we’ve been eating dinner st 9:30 every night like the New Yorkers we are. We drove into town to Ruby’s Restaurant and opted out of the cowboy buffet for some straightforward entrees while Tech Talkin and Walkin read all about Ruby in the local gazette. After a brief walk through of the General Store, we crossed the road to see a Rodeo. We wish it was Frontier Days, but sadly we were too far from Cheyenne. Instead we got the B-List Rodeo celebs and some audience participation from the kids. Suavest of the Seas realized her disdain for rodeos based on the treatment of animals. I quote, “Hey little boy! Let’s tie a ribbon to your ass and have a herd of cows chase you and see how you feel!” We did find some humor though in the “horn hats” they put on the calves for the lasso event. 

After a stressful drive home through the dark mountains we returned to our KOA for our final night in the turtle. It’s coming to an end, but (to quote our favorite July 4 movie) it ain’t over till the fat lady sings! 

-The Gringo Guacho

#teacherroadtrip #jucyworld #southwest #roadtrip #teachers

Day 12: We Hiked it and We Liked it!

Today started with a small party of socializing chipmunks who woke the birds who woke the sunrise backpackers who woke us. We considered filing a noise complaint (we are jaded New Yorkers after all) but realized we should probably just join the fun and hit the trails before the midday sun. That led us to Dead Horse Point National Park (a suggestion we received from a parking lot friend in Steamboat) where we abided by the honor system and paid our $10 by envelope to Utah. Note to future hikers: Dead Horse is not a national park and your annual pass will not work here. 

After filling our water bottles with stickers and H2O, we hit the trail. We chose the East Rim to the point of dead horses. “According to one legend, around the turn of the century the point was used as a corral for wild mustangs roaming the mesa top. Cowboys rounded up these horses, herded them across the narrow neck of land and onto the point. The neck, which is only 30-yards-wide, was then fenced off with branches and brush. This created a natural corral surrounded by precipitous cliffs straight down on all sides, affording no escape. Cowboys then chose the horses they wanted and let the culls or broomtails go free. One time, for some unknown reason, horses were left corralled on the waterless point where they died of thirst within view of the Colorado River, 2,000 feet below” (Moab Adventure Center).  

You can see the fence and river in these shots:

A mile and a half later we made it to the point and took in the breathtaking canyon, which like everything, was formed by water and time.  Another note to hikers: the cell service at Dead Horse Point is awesome! It was so good that I was even able to FaceTime a special someone in NY who was simultaneously reading the blog 😉! It was almost as interactive as Pokemon Go!

We were feeling good. We were feeling ambitious. We were feeling cocky. So we chose the longer route home along the western rim. This wouldn’t have been so difficult had the bathrooms and water access not been closed for cleaning leaving us dehydrated in the 11 am sun. But alas, we survived (as that teen tour hopefully did last night in the dark). 

After working up a healthy appetite, we stopped in Green River for some fry bread, salads, and pie!

The rest of the afternoon was spent driving north to Salt Lake City. We listened to yet another musical soundtrack, this time The Last Five Years, and Suavest of the Seas and I napped while Tech Talkin and Walkin drove the carriage (the buggie? the phaeton? the cabriolet?) We arrived with time to take some seriously needed showers at a hotel which offers not only a free continental breakfast, but dinner too! Alas, we did not stay for dinner because we had some new friends to meet. 

Namely, Chief!! Chief is my brother and his girlfriend’s adolescence pit bull. While Chief was too excited at first, he did eventually show us his arsenal of tricks for a treat, and then tore the toy moose we brought him to pieces while politely spitting out fluff and plastic (RIP Moose). We were told he will carry the dead body around for days as a trophy. 

Chief wasn’t the only attraction though, as he belongs to some awesome humans. We got to catch up, see the Utah digs, and enjoy Utah’s finest gourmet pizza with Zach and CJ! It was a bit confusing to decide where to go to eat since Utah apparently loves to name dining establishments after lemons, but we settled on Pizza Limone and their vast selection of Pellegrinos. We took it all back to Zach and CJ’s place so that Chief could dine with us- he got so many crusts which he then thanked us for with big slobbery face kisses. We also finally saw an Alaska lisence plate, which leaves us with North Dakota and Hawaii as the sole hold outs. Fingers crossed that we’ll find them in Zion and not have to chase them down in a Chick-fil-a parking lot like last time.

After some good discussion about the past, present, future, real estate prices in Colorado, and the Real Housewives (shout out to CJ for getting Zach to watch- although remind me someday to tell you about the summer I caught him following General Hospital) we caught ourselves dozing off with Chief on the couch. We said our goodbyes and headed back to the hotel to rest our aching legs. 

The Gringo Gaucho

#teacherroadtrip #jucyworld #southwest #roadtrip #teachers

Day 10: Get a Horse!

We woke this morning as the JucyVan rocked in the 35 mph wind like a cradle…a cradle that’s about to plummet from the tree and kill the baby a la sleep-a-bye baby. We now understand why the plains get tornados. Due to extreme weather conditions, we packed up quickly and high tailed it out of the campground along with the rest of the “tent site” campers. 

Suavest of the Seas got pretty excited about a Perkins advertised from the highway, so we headed over for biscuits. We were delighted to find the substitute fruit bowl filled with fresh berries instead of the tasteless, white melon we’ve been served everywhere else this trip. 

At this point we figured, we’re in Cheyenne, let’s check it out. Sadly, we were a week early for Frontier Days Rodeo (we’re seriously thinking of coming back next year though because…Cowboys) so instead we checked out the Frontier Days Old West Museum- and we were NOT disappointed. We first checked out the wagons of western times and dressed respectively as the Cowboy and the School Marm and I was pushed to the side because, “Ladies don’t drive, Cowboys do!” while posing in this carriage. 

We saw many other carriages, including this one that rode to Deadwood (requisite shout out to Pete who loves that show):

We also decided that Volkswagon uses ancient carriage names for their models since we saw a Bug(gie), a Phaeton, and a Cabroliolet, although that’s “Randi Logic” ™ (a.k.a. Something that makes sense to the speaker but isn’t confirmed by any actual research). We learned that when the automobile was first invented, hecklers would stand on be streets and yell, “Get a horse!” at the passerbys, which we found hysterical, hence the title of this post. 

Since the museum was such a hit, we thought we’d check out Historic Cheyenne. Let’s just say that wasn’t a hit, so we headed for the highway and the mountains. We passed some beautiful scenery (unfortunately, we didn’t have the correct camera equipment to capture its majesty) as we climbed to almost 7,000 feet. It’s a good thing Casually Kissing Cowboys returned to sea level or she would have felt truly ill. 

We made it to Steamboat and awkwardly tossed our JucyVan keys to the valet of the prestigious Steamboat Sheraton Resort 😳. After a quick change, we picked up smoothies and found our way to the hot springs, which were hot! Luckily, we asked our hotel for the “adult” hot springs and not the water park, kid-friendly hot springs, and made it in and out before the clothing optional night time hours. 

After returning all “healed” from the springs, we walked around the base of the mountain and marveled at the resting ski lifts while imagining the bustle of the winter months. We had dinner at The Tasty Pig where we delightfully consumed corn bread while checking out the view:

We were so tired from our adventures that we then put ourselves to bed for 10 straight hours. It’s good we rested though because some strenuous hikes were ahead of us…

Until then,

The Gringo Gaucho

Day 8: Boulder my Heart

Today’s the day I got to return to my love, Boulder, CO! We woke up a bit dehydrated in Denver and very sad to be starting our first day in the absence of our dear Casually Kissing Cowboys (pour one out). Tech Talkin and Walkin headed to the gym while Suavest of the Seas and I played with my cousin’s new puppy all morning- Shout to Harley, cutest lil’ mutt at a mile high! We all reconvened at a delicious French bakery that defied Casually Kissing Cowboy’s belief that all French people are rude for delicious savory pastries and pain au chocolat. 

We then hijacked my cousin Naomi and headed to the mountains! I vaguely remember a Sports Illustrated article about CU Boulder that came out a decade ago referencing heaven. Yet (and this is difficult for me to admit, being a teacher of English), nothing could ever capture the moment driving along US 36 over the crest of the final hill before Boulder Valley when the red rooftops of CU Campus emerge pressed against the backdrop of the mammoth flat irons. I get chills every time I return.

We headed straight to my dear friend Daniela’s house and, on account of what I refer to as the Boulder Baby Boom, embarked on an epic play date in North Boulder with 9 adults and 5 babes- we had them out numbered! We pushed strollers along the sidewalk and marveled at the obscene spike in real estate (seriously people, legalization of marijuana is cool and all but is that really what it took for you to realize how absolutely perfect this town is?) and made our way to Mo’s Broadway Bagels. They’re not New York bagels, but they’re the closest thing this side of the Mississippi. 

Afterwards, we made our way to a park where we saw some referees setting up this game:

which clearly we wanted to partake in, however were told it was set up for some corporate event. We would like to comment that those corporate brats never showed up and a missed opportunity was had by all. Instead, we blew up our Woo Hoo inflatable couch, only to have it burst open at the seams 2 minutes later after an overexcited Avayah jumped on it. Note, don’t believe Amazon reviews. The Woo Hoo is a piece of plastic crap. If you want one of these things, go with the European original. 

https://www.fatboy.com/lamzac

Avayah was pretty upset over the incident but we kissed and made up. 

​​
After some refreshing 75 cent lemonades from some enthusiastic entrepreneurs, we kissed the babes goodbye and headed to our hotel. 

​​
My friend Jon said it perfectly when I met him at the bar for a pre dinner drink. “Look at you staying at the St Julien. We only ever got to come here when our parents were visiting!” Oh, how far we’ve come. Actually, it didn’t feel far when we rolled up to the valet next to the Audis and Mercedes in our Dodge Caravan JucyVan with 117,000 miles and 3 inches of dust caked on. Even more embarrassing was handing the keys over and explaining how the key fab was busted and you have to use the jenky toothpick key to lock and unlock one door at a time. On the plus side, our JucyVan was too tall for the parking garage so we got some free advertising when they parked it in the driveway on Walnut with our hashtags covering the windows. 

Jon and I headed across the street to the Attic to reminisce while Tech Talkin and Walkin and Suavest of the Seas enjoyed the luxuries of our hotel room (and that bathtub!) We met back up for dinner at Oak (another place we never could have afforded in college) and opted for fancy Cabernet over the Coors Light we once enjoyed on Pearl Street. My college and post-college worlds collided as Jon shared some questionable stories about our past choices and the debauchery that was our college experience. 

Sadly, Jon had to drive back to Denver so we parted, but were joined by Daniela (minus her two squeezable kids). We went to kiss the Buffalo at the Pub and then immediately left when approached by some 23 year old gentlemen. We chose the slightly more mature West End Tavern roof top garden to sip bubbly and discuss current events while inhaling the potent campfire smell rolling down the canyon from the forest fires blazing above us (not as terrifying as it sounds).

We rolled back into our swanky digs for the night and nestled ourselves into the white down of our hotel beds for our last goodnight of sleep for awhile. 

More Boulder coming at you tomorrow!

The Gringo Gaucho

#teacherroadtrip #jucyworld #southwest #roadtrip #teachers

Day 6: There’s No Place Like Liberal, KS

As the bright rays of the Amarillo morning sun streamed through the vents of our Jucy Van, we rubbed the sleep from our eyes and descended the rickety ladder to the dusty earth of Texas. Texas, we love you but it was time to move on to states we’ve never crossed. 

After a brief detour to Dunkin Donuts (thanks Babs for the gift card!) we hit the flat road and attempted to accelerate to the 75 mph speed limit in the .5 miles before we needed to make our next turn (I’ve never been worried about being pulled over for going too SLOW before.) Thanks to some blog advertising on the side of our #jucyvan, we got some advice from a fellow teacher we passed on the road in our comments, txteachef, and successfully navigated our way to Oklahoma!

We learned a few things about the Western Texas landscape today. Actually, we learned four things: corn, cows, trains, and tourbines. That’s all we have to report. 

We drove through Oklahoma for exactly 31 minutes and 28 seconds, (but that totally counts towards our state tally!) before entering Kansas. 

Now, those of you who have known me since childhood know that I was deeply infatuated with the Wizard of Oz. I had a plastic basket that I used to stuff a toy dog in and walk around the house after watching the film every day as a treat when I got home from school. One Christmas I even got a pair of FABULOUS ruby red slippers from Glinda herself (alright, it was my Aunt Janet). So, naturally, if we were going to Kansas, I was going to find Dorothy. And we found her…and her little friends too. 

We didn’t have especially high hopes for Dorothy’s house, despite it being the #1 rated thing to do in Liberal, Kansas, but we were pleasantly surprised to be offered an interactive tour. We visited Dorothy’s house from Kansas, complete with all authentic 1920s home goods, and then took a trip through the magical world of Oz (it was in Dorothy’s back yard if you can believe it!) We walked the yellow brick road, witnessed the final resting place of the Wicked Witch of the East, were almost attacked by the winged monkeys, and met the Wizard. 

We left feeling overly satisfied and reconnected to childhood (I even sported pigtails for the event- which in hindsight is probably why the waitress we next met thought I was only 21, another reminder that we are no longer four teachers in our early 20s…)

Obviously, we next had to visit the second  highest rated thing to do in Liberal, Kansas according trip advisor- the Pancake House. Pancakes of all shapes and sizes were consumed and we took off on the open road again, this time blasting the soundtrack to Wicked (great idea Pete!)

Although we originally intended to spend the night in Liberal, we realized that there was really nothing left to do in between Kansas and Denver (we literally had nothing remaining on our trip advisor reference list) so we decided to power through to Lamar, CO. Lamar is a sleepy little town, so we took a nap! We woke up to check out the best rated restaurant (conveniently located next to the Lamar Visitor Center, the second highest rated thing to do in Lamar- we really like trip advisor) and learned that Thai food in south east Colorado just means “Asian.” With full bellies, we headed back to old faithful #holidayinnexpress to watch Lip Sync Battles!

We’re due for some city sight seeing so check in tomorrow to see where we end up!

-The Gringo Gaucho

#teacherroadtrip #jucyworld #southwest #roadtrip #teachers

How to Follow Us

Since we’ve started shamelessly promoting our blog on the side of our #jucyvan (pics forthcoming), we thought it would be helpful to share how to follow our blog. By following, our blog will show up in your wordpress reader AND you will receive email updates when we post. Don’t worry, you can fix the settings to get emails weekly or monthly if you don’t want to flood your inbox. 

Use this link to wordpress’ support page to learn the various ways you can follow!

Day 3: Choose Your Own Adventure

Today we tried something new. Despite the fact that we love each other dearly, and one day hope to be trapped together on a boat sailing from Alaska to Hawaii to complete our tour of all 50 states, we decided to split up this afternoon. After a continental breakfast at our road trip home away from home #holidayinnexpress, a brief panic moment when we realized we had started a 148-mile trip down a road in the desert with only an 1/8 a tank of gas, and a delightful lunch outside next to an adorable King Charles Cavalier named Oliver, we arrived in Albequerque and Casually Kissing Cowboys and I left Suavest of the Seas and Tech Talkin and Walkin at a museum to get all “educated” while we satisfied our pop culture addiction by taking ourselves on a self guided Breaking Bad tour. So readers, we allow you now to choose YOUR own adventure. To read more about Walter White skip below to the 🔷🔷🔷 (blue meth) symbol.  If you’re more interested in learning about what the Museum of Nuclear Science and History has to offer skip to the 🎆🎆🎆 (atomic bomb) emojis. 

🔷🔷🔷 The tour began where the story began, Walter and Skylar White’s home (although it is not Walter White’s birthday and we were not served bacon in the shape of our age).  We found a woman (presumably the owner of the home) sitting in a lawn chair of her garage shouting that pictures could be taken from across the street. This led us to wonder a) is this a full time job for her and b) why didn’t she capitalize on this by charging for photos? Sadly, there was no pizza on the roof (maybe that’s why she’s there!) 

We then drove around the corner to the strip mall which once housed the greatest  sleezy lawyer of all time, Saul Goodman, and found his office has been transformed into a bar. Unfortunately, there was no cranky receptionist to welcome us, however, Saul’s information is still proudly listed on the door. 

Next we cruised over to the setting of the moment of Breaking Bad that finally established our beloved Chemistry teacher slipping into evil incarnate and my personal “can’t turn back” moment in the series- Jane’s apartment. You know what happened there, you know. 

This was the part of our tour in which we wondered, “Where do all the rich people in Ablequerque live?” It turns out, they live in Jesse’s deceased aunt’s neighborhood. Check out Jesse’s pad and also take a moment to remember the sweet, sweet retribution of Jesse buying this house from his parents after they had paid for the remodel. 

Finally, our tour came to an end by paying respects to the One who Knocks and the product that brought him money, stability, and corruption.  

And that concludes the tour. Please skip down to the 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 emojis to read about the conclusion of the day and our celebration of America. 

🎆🎆🎆 Tech Talkin and Walkin headed into the museum to learn about the single most terrifying human invention- nuclear weapons. 

The museum was divided into a history side and science side (fitting, considering the two teachers who visited).  They started on the history side where they saw replicas of Fat Man and Little Boy true to proportion, which are apparently much larger than imagined. 

The epic size of these weapons of mass destruction is of course not their most terrifying aspect. When tested in Los Alamos, New Mexico the heat given off was so high that the sand melted and turned into radioactive glass named Trinitite after the Trinity test. 

At this point our road trippers found themselves on the science side of the museum and had an intellectual discussion about the moral responsibility of scientists. Apparently, after they tested the atomic bomb, Oppenheimer immediately regretted his discovery and quoted ancient Hindu scripture, “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” It would make for a great science elective, no?  Naturally, Suavest of the Seas and Tech Talkin and Walkin left wanting to watch more things blow up in the sky. Skip to 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 to read more on that. 

🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 To celebrate America, and our 5th anniversary of commemorating the 4th of July from cities around the country, we determined to walk down the road to Balloon Fiesta Park and join the Albuquerque Freedom 4th Festival. We can report that although the fireworks themselves could not surpass Burlington’s (see post from July 4th 2013), the overall event was beyond anything we’ve seen so far- complete with a beer garden, Chick-fil-a vendors (those of you who have been following us will remember how much we love Chick-fil-a), a live show, and couple thousand people. 

​​
Overall, we were happy to celebrate the 4th of July with the very friendly people of New Mexico! Tomorrow, onwards to Santa Fe (save a place, I’ll be there…)

The Gringo Gaucho

#teacherroadtrip #jucyworld #southwest #roadtrip #teachers

Day 0: When I (Don’t) Go to Vegas

Four score and seven years ago (ok, it might not have been exactly four score but it was definitely 7 years ago) a few teachers found a great deal on Orbitz for round trip flights to Vegas and four nights in a Venetian suite. The rest of the world was struggling to claw its way out of a deep pit of recession- but we’re NYC public school teachers, and while we don’t ever get raises, we also aren’t subject to cut backs! So with consistent pay checks and an aim to capitalize on the dipping flight costs, we booked our trip to Vegas, baby!!

What happened next has gone down in (teacher) history as the infamously, worst traveling experience of all time. When we arrived at 6 am to LaGuardia airport the planes’ wings were frozen (concerning) and we were stuck on the Tarmac for an hour while they were defrosted. We arrived for our connecting flight in Milwaukee where we learned that our second flight had left 8 MINUTES earlier. They chose not to wait despite the fact that there were over 20 people on our plane booked for that connection. Instead, they flew us to Minneapolis where we spent 6 hours sleeping on seats in a sketchy hallway between two terminals because they were the only rows we could find in the entire airport without metal arm rests breaking them up. We scoured the airport for food and settled on fish and chips at 8:30 am because it was the only thing open and returned to our camp out to find Suavest of the Seas napping with an $80 Brookstone pillow and blanket set that she bought in a sleep deprived trance (actually, this was the single good thing that came out of that day because that Brookstone set has come in handy in many an international airport and an entire month in Sicily since).  We then flew to Atlanta (because that’s on the way to Vegas) to finally get on a 4th plane to our destination. By the time we had arrived, we were so wrecked, and our immune systems were so strained, that two of our crew spent the first 48 hours vomiting in the Venetian suite toilet and two days later I ended up at a sketchy off strip Vegas clinic where Casually Kissing Cowboys and Suavest of the Seas were left for over two hours in the waiting room to plan how to gently tell my family I had succumbed to my battle with what has been affectionately coined “Vegas Throat.”  Four days and three prescriptions later (including a dubious bottle of “Magic Mouth Wash”- actual name) we returned to NYC with our heads bowed in defeat. Not even a close encounter with Christian Slater at an airport slot machine on which I won $150 could compensate for the disaster of Vegasgate 2009.

I tell you this anecdote now because you would think- nay, you would pray- that we had learned our lesson. But no. In planning this road trip we thought, “hell yeah, it’d be great to start and end our road trip in Las Vegas, and hey, it’s summer, so no frozen airplane wings right?” Right. Except, we did not account for tornados in New York (are Tara Reid and Ian Ziering filming Sharknado 5 or something?) and golf sized hail in Vegas. Nine rebookings, two dropped calls with Unites airlines, and one arrival and imminent departure from LaGuardia airport landed us…literally no where. Day one of the road trip can be summarized in the following screen shot from my mail app:

Please note the time stamp at the bottom because that’s the time we left this morning for Vegas. Because, we spent day one of our road trip… at home. Actually at Tech Talkin and Walkin’s home in Scarsdale because the rest of us are literally living out of a van (more on that later) until the end of July.

I’m happy to report that I am blogging this from the Vegas airport having finally arrived.

We’d like to give a special shout out to Pete for driving us to Laguardia and back for no reason at all, Doris for finally booking the Newark flight over the phone, the captain of United Airlines flight 1899 for weathering the worst turbulence I’ve felt in years, and finally the charming flight attendant who told us our in flight entertainment didn’t work because, “the left side of the plane has had a stroke” (dear God).

I am going to leave you with this gem, the breakout single from DJ Ken Utting’s debut LP mix CD fondly titled “When Teachers from Hell go to Vegas,” a fan favorite from Vegasgate.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=up9fq9hJ9Zs

Enjoy!

The Gringo Gaucho

#teacherroadtrip #jucyworld #southwest #roadtrip #teachers

Day 5: A Double Volcano

Hey Everybody! It’s time for your favorite numbers game…

  
1: Amazing breakfast idea inspired by our creative ways to smuggle free food from the breakfast buffet into the car for later consumption on the hike. Seriously, if anyone knows someone with a business background, especially in starting up new ideas, let us know! We’re sitting on a gold mine. 

15: Dollars it costs to get into the Crater Lake National Park, finally determined after much analysis of the confusing sign. There was a moment we almost turned around when it at first appeared that it would cost $55, or something. Our traveling school is down one Math teacher ever since we left Meredith in Texas three years ago. 

4: Volcanos inside the park. Including a volcano inside a volcano (it’s a double volcano! OMG it’s so beautiful!) Seriously though, stunning. 

   
 
1.5: Miles hiked to the top Watchman’s Peak! We are proud to say that Suavest of the Seas has now completed two hikes in her life, making her a veteran. Observe:

  
8: Achilles’ Tendons that survived the hike, despite one being quite compromised. 

  
7,781: Altitude at the top of Watchman’s Peak! No teachers got alititude sickness we are happy to report. And the view from the top was totally worth it!

 
2: World’s Classiest Truck Stops seen from the highway. Is there a competition? Sadly, we went to neither one, but instead saw a very thorough truck stop with the nicest bathrooms in Oregon (so new they still smell like Home Depot). We’d like to contest those signs now. We drove around the lot in circles a few times like lunatics because…

37: State license plates seen on this trip so far. We’ve got our fingers crossed that the elusive Vermont will be seen somewhere in Washington. This led us to realize that…

24: The number of states we have driven through together, including New Jersey, the armpit of America, which everyone forgot about.  Don’t worry, we’ve already developed a plan to add Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah and Colorado next summer from the Jucy, first seen in California, planned to be rented from Vegas in approximately one year. 

  
0: The times Tori had successfully ordered and received carrots on a roadtrip. It’s time to move on to another vegetable. 

Keep Countin Kids!

The Gringo Gaucho